you know that something inside of you still
plays a part in what i do always
the opening lyrics to my new found favorite song. it is not a song it is me. of course you may not think that because all music is left to the listeners interpretation. the irony is the person who showed me the song is currently the one who is playing the biggest part of me in way he will never know. i very recently finished a book titled Just Listen, by far one of the top books i have read. this book changed me, it changed how i think, how i feel, how i talk, how i react, how i am. it really is weird because its the typical story line, girl has problems, girl meets boy, boy helps girl with problems, boy and girl are together. but the girls problems seemed so close to my life even though they arent, i mean i dont have a mother whos obsessed with what i do, or a sister with an eating disorder. but her problem, her own problem that nobody knows, was so much like my own the story just hit me. its too personal to be on here but read it and you will know i guess. but the way she keeps everything in and trys to keep everybody around her happy by not doing anything really is how i am. and i knew i was like that but it never clicked how much it was effecting me in everything i do. seeing it being the exact same for a different person, just being put in a different perspective, is what really got me thinking. i am where i am, because of who i am not because of anybody else. its why writing on here in a sensible order or fashion is sooo insanely hard, because i dont know how to say how i feel or what i want. now that i say i am changed, i dont mean over night i became totally different. its a process that im going through, taking what comes as it comes, day by day, changing little by little, but at the same time so quickly. im not sure what im even trying to say here. all i know is this time im not just saying im changing, i actually am. for me.
