babies...

couple of current facts that I now call fate:

• I'm pregnant


• Taylor Decook is the papa


• I am due May fourth

now the reason I find these to be fate: I was just reading an old blog and it said that I was thinking about Taylor and then I said i randomly thought of Juno songs, and Juno is due May fourth, same day as me. weird huh?

nutter butters and bracelet making!

so much to write, no time, no idea how to say it all. i did bad things this summer, but i don't want to talk about my biggest no-no. i didn't go to one party, i didn't play in the sand, i didn't tan, i didn't take long walks with my best friend and obsess over people's grass. i didn't sneak out but once or twice. long story short, SUMMER SUCKED. i was all excited to have my car and shit for the summer, being able to do anything i wanted when i wanted. it didn't happen at all. anything exciting that happened seems soo long ago, the summer flew by without ever really starting. its sad really. this is my second to last high school summer break and i did nothing. i know its totally my fault but mother nature really fucked me up this time around by making it all not summery.
oh well though i suppose can't change it now. i guess i have to make the best of my school year. it should be an exciting one to say the least. scary stuffs about to happen. i hear its going to be my hardest year, my god-daughter is going to be born, i need to get a job. also so far its weird, i'm not as shy, i don't give a FUCK what people think, i seem to already have more friends, i'm not after 2472354 guys. i just sorta feel like i'm getting a hold of life now. i can't say i'm growing up because only those with the mind of a child think they will grow up. life's coming fast and i actually think i'm ready for it. i know what i want to do and will do anything to get there.

also trevor baldwin is pretty much one of the most amazing people i know and i take back 99% of any bad things i said about him, and apologize for the other 1%

ode to the teenage brain

what is it about the mind that compels us to do the most idiotic shit?

(insert cliche here)

i got redbull and vodka up in my haaaand.

you look kinda cute in that polka-dot bakini girrrrrl.

this what i wanna do, take off that polka-dot bakini girrrrrl.

drink all dayyy, play all niiight, let's get it poppin'.

i'm in miami biiiitch.

and that is how i feel currently. now if only that was what was actually happening. sadly it's not, instead i'm on the phone with fucking new york nick, who seems to get more annoying everytime i talk to him. i wish he didn't but he does. finally! he's done. mmk anyway things have been weird as of late. let me count the reasons why:

1. my mood- soo unusual, i find EVERYBODY annoying as fuck. i never want to be around everybody i love and am familiar with. i do want to be around strangers who i don't know at all, and don't really want to. i just want them there for me to do what i please with.

2. my feelings toward the male race: i actually brok up with somebody for me. not them, me. and i did it so he doesn't hate me. i also, for once, am not even interested in going after anybody. what happens, happens.

3. what happened when i was dating him: usually i'm like a total whore with my men, but we didn't even make out, just kisses. soo weird. i didn't even want to do anything else.

4. jealousy factor: seeing couples, excluding one, doesn't make me hate them of the fact that i don't have what they do. i see them, excluding one, and think of how cute they are, then secretly wish them luck. whereas before, i passed out dirty looks like it was my fucking job and wanted to stab them for liking eachother. but but but, little things that never, well not often, bothered me before eat me away.

5. i don't want sex: yea i know weirrrrrrrd. like, don't get me wrong, if it was offered at the right time by anybody from a select list, i would sooo go for it. but, i'm not like chasing it, and i happy with that. please do NOT make comments on this, because i will punch you.

6. my head: i seriously considered shaving my head. i also am planning on hitting up wally world and buying some color and going for a change. yes my mom will FUCKING FREAK, but i don't even really care. it's my hair, if she doesnt like it that's not my problem. i mean what can she really do? ground me? psh i'll still leave when i want.

7. that ^: when did i start actually not caring?

mmk well the list is longer but i don't feel like going on.

get on yo knees bitch.

PARTY.

my birthday is in...29 days[:

and what am i gonna do until then?

PARTY.

then?

PARTY.

after then?

PARTY.

yes yes yes, i love to party, and the word party.

Saran wrap Ashley also loves to party. her and and an

ex of her's happen to love drinking then sex with uhh,

well you can guess the reason she is called Saran wrap Ashley.

gahh honestly. when will i stop laughing at that?

NEVER.

oh oh oh!

taylor decook. aka current object of my affection.

hahahhaha for some reason i just thought of Juno songs.

gahh that kid is amazing.

Dig it.

i want summer sooo bad right now. i'm tired of this stupid snow and cold and not being able to open the windows. grr.

but but but

on a much happier note, my birthday is in 34 days

so that's pretty exciting. and and and im over trevor. i decided that i dont want him back i just want somebody and he was an easy target at the time. but now i have my eye on somebody new, well actually 2 people but one more than the other. and no, neither one is david, because i also decided that david is like my brother.

i really have a lot that i want to say but now i cant

think of any of it and that makes me mad

but oh well.

Gahhhh

Now. I am honestly going to keep my resolution now. I know why I like sleeping around and it's stupid. I'm always second in all my friendships, I feel like they're always better than me and they know it. All of them are prettier, skinnier, funnier, nicer, you name it and its better than me. What did I have going for me? Guys wanted sex from me, and not them. They get the realtionships with the good guys, and I get the sex. Even when I want a relationship I can't get it. I'm still second but sex makes me feel like shit now, so now I've got nothing going for me.

Fuckadamnbitchuptheass.

Godfuckingshitdamn.

Once upon a time, life fucking sucks.

The End

FunFact: Fort Wayne is the 3rd most sexually satisfied city in the United States, Indianapolis is the 1st. Go Indiana.

My New Year's Resolution:
not to be such a whore.

How's it working?
not 100% great.

Why not?
I like sex.

I mean I haven't had any since ohh, New Year's Eve, but I definantly have been planning with quite a few kiddos. Honestly though, I can't help it. I knew the first time I did it I would never be able to stop. As I type, I'm texting two kids who I'm planning on fucking in the near future. The other day my mom came in and was talking to me about how all guys are interested in is sex, and the whole time I was thinking, 1) that's not true, I can think of at least 3 exapmles of guys who aren't, and 2) what if that's all I'm interested in? I mean yea, I really super like a kid right now who i don't want to do anything with yet cause I honestly like him. On the other hand though, get me talking to the right person and I just can't help myself.

I would like to welcome you to my life.

So, heres the current happs. haha I love that word. So anyway, Brittany and Jackie moved yesterday/today to GodFuckingFarAwayNowhere, and I'm pretty upset. Like I almost started crying in Spanish today, yea I fucking love those two like they don't even know. Things with Trevor and I are, one could say, on the rocks. I talked to Jennifer today more than i have like total in the past two weeks and that was huge 20 mins, with her Trevor right there. Dre, possibly the greastest kid I have ever met, is having a wayyyyy rough time and I don't know what to do cause it's so bad he won't even tell me what happened and he pretty much tells me everything, so needless to say I'm worried. My favorite red pants have a huge hole near the crotch. My new birth control gives me migranes like you wouldn't believe. And I'm sure there is more i could add to that list but I think I'm gonna stop. On a a much happier note, I'm now frequently flirting with David, not that it's ever gonna go anywhere but I live to flirt so it's fun. Ashley and I are spending tons of time together, which is pretty great cause I love love love that girl. I might party with Ash Martin this weekend. I prolly will go to Chudz this weekend. And many other happy things. Still though, I hate change on this scale.

The world burns bright with the smell of an apple blossom[:

!

To say the least, TODAY WAS FUCKING AMAZING. I don't just mean like the "day", but like since roughly 1 this morning. Why?

The short version:
1. got my best friend back baby
2. took the 2 easiest finals ever
3. have tons classes with most of my loves
4. i could actually eat lunch
5. i still have bio with ash martin
6. trevor looked pretty damn atractive
7. trevor took me home
8. trevor told his girl he's not over me
9. trevor told me he probably will break up with megan for me

If you count every little detail, that list would be 8 miles long. Over the last few weeks I have really figured out the people that I honestly need, and the ones I don't. I really think 2009 is my year loves. Gahh I hate saying what I think, but it's chill cause I have to.

:D!

i don't think i want another best friend ever again, to be quite honest.

i really cant believe her. like really, she's suppose to be my best friend. well she's not, and it's really stupid that something that could have been so small of an issue got hidden, and now just exploded in my face. like i don't even care that she did it, it's the fact that she didn't tell me and didn't plan on telling me. AND she told trevor fucking goodin, who she thinks of as more of a friend anyway, but lies through her fucking teeth telling him she loves him more than anything. but he knows, whats worse is i found out from him, while making myself look like an ass because i trusted her to tell me everything. she said she did, but she didn't. fuck this shit, best friend is just a stupid title you give to the person who can hurt you the most, and she did. good job jennifer fucking kunklbitch, you filled the position great.